My Ugly American Evolution

Kuwait is an interesting place.
It is a juxtaposition of old ideas and ideals with modern ones and a stark contrast of western and middle eastern flavors.

And as with any place, the flavors and impressions you get from it are colored by the people with whom you sit or surround yourself.
As one could probably note by picking up from my initial posts on this blog, my evolution was definitely impacted by time and  people.

I suppose, just like with my evolving appreciation for Arabic coffee, when the natural tendency to compare and contrast dies away, the distilled pictures come into focus and it becomes easier to take in unique qualities that stand alone. It was when I kept attempting Arabic coffee with my American definition and understanding of it, that I did not like it. But when I took it on as something completely different, and no longer held it up to be measured with my cultural yardstick, I found I really enjoyed it.

Kuwait is like that for me too.

I know I made mistakes when I was first here in trying to see how this or that was similar, different, better, worse than what I have always known. But that was not fair. It is, as we say, being the 'Ugly American.' And it is truly ugly and arrogant to go to other places and cultures with the notion that they must somehow be held up to anything else. It is in the letting go of a culturally inculcated and nurtured idea that 'America is number 1' and everybody else must want and be like America to be worthy, where appreciation and real growth take place.

It is also in this letting go, that the idea of being a 'global citizen' makes sense. We are no more tied to place or belong to place than a migratory bird is. We have the ability, not always the freedom, to pick up and move to another continent, country, state. And in doing so, we start to see ourselves  and world anew. We see that we have cultural trappings and ideas, but they can be changed to allow for other understandings and ways of seeing, and with those eyes, comes the ability to not only live and let live, but also to understand, evolve, and love.

Bored in Life?

'I'm bored.' 

It is a common complaint, curiously, most mumbled by children and teens.

Why?

Ever wonder why it is not a common complaint among adults?

Well, I'll only speak from my experience of course.

As an adult, I have found that those moments of 'boredom' were in fact luxury items of youth.
My mother used to tell me that only boring people get bored.
There is some truth there.
But not what I imagined she meant at that time.
As an adult, I realize that now, unfortunately, most of our time is relegated to obligation and routine. We rush about our days always feeling that there is not enough time to get it all accomplished.

Boredom? Who has time for that?

And maybe, if we are lucky, there is some slight respite which gives us long enough pause to realize that it was in those moments of boredom where we actually were able to connect- be that connection with ourselves, family, or the world around. It is in those moments of distilled silence that we are able to find ourselves-meet ourselves stripped bare of distraction. And looking back on those moments, I realize, is it not ironic that I can actually remember them specifically? For if they were indeed moments of boredom, moments of nothingness, would they be able to hold space in my memory banks at all?
The true answer to that is no.
There must be wisdom, be peace, be truth, be me in those moments. It must be in those moments where I found little bits of myself.
And so, as an adult, who now appreciates and longs for those boring moments, I realize their worth, and I seek ways to be bored again.

All the Noise, Noise, Noise...

Kuwait is a city, (you'd be surprised at how many folks back where I come from don't know this already, but hey, can't blame them) and as such, it is full of sights, sounds, smells, etc. City living can become taxing for all of us on physical levels whatever city we live in, and it's often impossible to fully be cleansed of its insult on our senses. Of course it's easier to block out visual disturbances, but auditory ones are much more difficult. Over time, we become numb to the noise around us, both within and without. Traffic, people, electronics, and mind chatter fill our ears, fill our thoughts, fill our energy, and block us from being fully present and positive.
At times like these, when I am feeling full and overwhelmed, I will remove myself and allow myself some moments of quiet. Other times, I find some Solfeggio frequency 'music' to be healing.
The link above is the 528 Hz frequency and has the reputation for creating amazing transformation and miracles. It’s even been linked to the repair of human DNA, but what I know to be true of it is that it is very calming and soothing. 
Try it out.

Kuwait/ America/ Kenya/ Japan/ Vantage Points

Living in a country other than your own affords you a unique perspective.
You become acutely aware of the window. Daily, you begin to notice that there are others looking through that same window.
And then, you are shocked to see that everyone is peering through it.
But, over time, you slowly start to get that although we are all viewing the same sights, we each have a different perspective from our standing spots and heights.
And then a very mellowing, calming acceptance builds within.
Yes, we are different-viewing sights from unique perspectives and vantage points, with our own individual storied histories, but while we are viewing it separately,
we are at the exact moment, standing inside the same house.

Are We Awake Yet?

We are waking up slowly.
We are waking up.
We are waking.
We are slow.
We are.
We.

This morning in Kuwait, am I hopeful we are collectively waking?
Yes.
Have I allowed my energy and feelings to attach to that hope?
Hopefully not.
This morning in Kuwait,
I am.
It is enough to be that me in the we that is slowly
waking.

It's Friday in Kuwait- Saturday/Sunday too.

Today is Friday.

Friday here is like the Sunday in the US, in that it is the congregational prayer day, but not, in that there is still another day of the weekend following, so it's also like the Saturday.

Not too much happening right now, which is what I have grown to relish. When I was younger, I wanted to go, do, see and be seen. Well, it's almost the opposite now. I want to stay, relax, hide away and be quiet. Funny that.

So Friday suits me well. A day of repose, a day to be contemplative, a day of approved removal.

Has anyone else noted a desire to remove themselves from the chaos that is our modern times? I have purposely not watched news sources, nor scrolled through sites that would bring me face to face with the ugliness. It's truly hard to bounce back from the negativity of current events and tendencies.

I find that being in a small country that is fairly uninvolved feels right. It's kind of like being with that person at the party who doesn't take sides when two popular folks start to go at each other. It's so nice to be with that person who pulls you away and says, you can hang with me and just avoid taking sides or being drug in.

Oh, I will be forced out of reclusiveness shortly. I will be a part of family Friday too. I will go out for Family Friday Dinner, and I will chat, observe, and relish the energy that comes along with as well. For as much as I desire to be removed, I also desire to belong, to connect. And I suppose, if I am honest with myself, the act of creating, writing, blogging, etc. are all ways of reaching out for connection too.

But,

they are way of reaching out to connect with a safety net. A way of screening and vetting with whom I will connect, and how much connection is warranted.

Funny world we find ourselves in: longing for quiet, seeking escape, holding at arms' length, and yet, finding community in prayer, in family, in friends, in creation,
in Friday.

Sensory Deprivation in Kuwait and Thank God it's Thursday

Thursday is the end of the workweek in Kuwait. Sunday is our Monday, and Thursday is the happy day. When I first arrived here 24 years ago, Wednesday was our Friday, and Saturday was Monday. Well, then Kuwait decided that for global business dealings, it was more convenient to have at least one day of the weekend in common with other countries, hence the day adjustments.

It took some time to adjust to TGIT, and I still sometimes refer to Thursday as Friday, but I am a slow learner. So, after a second full week back at the university, my friend and I decided we would give sensory deprivation, float pods,  a try to reacclimatize ourselves to the workweek.

Well, I don't know if this is a recreated memory or not, but many years ago, when this concept first came out, I had the image of an actual huge dark tank that was filled with deep black water. That was highly triggering to me and my issues with water. I think there was a movie in the 80s with a tank...and then sprang the fear around catching AIDS from the water, so it never really took off like gangbusters as far as I know. Needless to say, I never tried these pods in the US low those many years ago.

Flash forward 20+ years to last night.

Sensory Deprivation Pod

Calma- Kuwait, Symphony Mall

And here we are, entering this zone of quiet and calm, readying ourselves to step into a float pod of the 21st century. The sessions are 1 hour. A whole hour can really stretch itself out, now, mind you, remember those exercises in school where you must stand until you think a minute has passed, and it seems like eternity? Well, just magnify that times 100. But, I must say, that after getting used to the feeling of being an embryo with legroom, (the pounds of epsom salt turn the pod into a mini-Dead Sea) it was very relaxing. The temperature of the water and air in the pod is synchronized in such a way that one cannot really differentiate between water and air, nor where your limbs are in either. 

Strange things do happen to the mind when it has latitude though, when it has no input from senses. It just starts to run hogwild and reel off everything that has happened, everything that has been said and done to, from, around, or near you in the last 20 years, and every little dust bunny thought hiding in the unswept corners of the mind. I found that utilizing prayer, and mantras helped to quiet my mind and give it some reassuring parameters. 

All in all, it was a nice experience, a calming way to start the weekend, and  great way to live out TGIT.

Kuwait & Goodbye to Plastic Birds?

It's been many years since we first arrived to live in Kuwait. With family in tow, we settled in a newer part of the country so that we might have more room, land, around us to adjust from living in the US in a house with a fairly large yard, to living in a city/desert.
(I am specifying city here because my first mental images of Kuwait, before coming, were of desert, with rolling dunes, expanse, date palms, and camels. This simply was not the case. No rolling dunes here, no camels- at least not nearby- mostly houses, highways, neighborhoods, city.
The adjustment took some time, to be fair. Having grown up with jays, mockingbirds, cardinals, to name but a few, outside my windows, I was accustomed to the music of the birds- the running and calling of the squirrels- the swaying leaves in the wind.

The absence of what is taken for granted can be unsettling to say the least.

The area in which we lived here first was fairly barren: houses, construction, dirt roads, baqalas (small grocery stores), and mosques. Construction was ubiquitous and frankly dangerous. One morning, after waking very early and starting my drive to work, I nearly drove off into a cavernous hole dug as a building's foundation that had not been there the day before- no warnings, no construction cones, no ropes, just an open, gaping canyon. One must be alert here, I said to myself.
Weeks and months passed as construction sites opened, finished, reopened, closed. At one point, trenches, resembling long, linear motes, were dug separating our own dirt road from our house. Planks were set out for us to traverse the hazard. This feels crudely and hastily wrought. But to our children, I suppose it was an adventure, a glimpse into an Arabian wild west.

Oddly, the evolution of this new neighborhood occurred almost in tandem with my own adjustment. As the houses and roads dug their heels in and settled into the dust of the environment, so too did I and we. Memories of the past made daily appearances. Was that a jay, mockingbird,  flying by my window? No, just a migrating plastic bag.

Eventually, we left this area and moved farther into the  city into a more established neighborhood. But, I never forgot those days nor that growth. Those daily, and sometimes jarring, intrusions into what was familiar and known, have now become a part of me. And I see now, that even as  I change and evolve, so too does Kuwait.
And frankly, this is the truth for any place on this Earth.

Kuwait is now looking to ban those same plastic impostor birds that once deceptively flew past my windows and into the anecdotes of my culture shock, to start a new chapter in their own story.
Maybe all this isn't so different after all.

New Name- What's Up?

Well, my appearance here has been spotty to say the least. Off and on, I am drawn to releasing my thoughts to a mute audience. Is that the draw? Or is it that other audiences seem to just politely tolerate listening anymore?
In looking way back at the inception of this endeavor, the former name of this blog seemed kitch and cute, granted it still is a bit of that, but with less offense possible. Admittedly, I am a child of The South. My family migrated to the US in the 1600s, were quite prosperous, and made a name for themselves. However, they did so on the backs of enslaved humans. And as abhorrent and evil as that is, I do not want my little writings here to harken back to, nor draw any energy from those times, hence the removal of 'Dixie' in my blog title.
I also did not, however, want to start anew and delete all the old content here because I feel that my evolution as an expat in The Middle East is an interesting note.
So I start fresh today, and hope to bring some new insights and glimpses into a much more settled and wisened home in Kuwait.
Peace